On the quiet wisdom of not announcing everything too soon
I learned early in my parenting journey that if I wanted to stay sane, I had to keep some things secret from my children. Not harmful secrets. Not anything that would undermine trust.
The everyday parenting kind of secrets — the outings, the trips, the little plans that children can somehow turn into fifty million questions before you have even finished one sentence.
So somewhere along the way I made a quiet decision: if I was planning something fun — especially something that could possibly fall through — I did not announce it early. If we were going to the movies, we just went. If I had an outing in mind, I kept it to myself until we were getting ready or already on our way.
Part of the reason was practical. If something fell through and the outing never happened, I didn’t have to manage the disappointment because they never knew to expect it. Children encounter enough heartbreak in life. If there was unnecessary disappointment I could quietly prevent, I was going to prevent it.
The Disney World Secret
One of my favorite examples of this happened when my girls were little. In 2001, a friend suggested that several families plan a trip to Disney World together. My daughters were four and one when the planning began. We ended up going in 2003, on my younger daughter’s birthday. She turned three that day. My older daughter was six.
I know this may sound extreme, but my girls had absolutely no idea we were going to Disney World until we walked into the airport.
We were standing there, bags packed, ready to board, when my friend leaned down and asked if they were excited. They looked at her with complete confusion. My friend looked up at me like she could not believe what she was witnessing. She asked if she could tell them. I said yes.
“We’re going to Disney World!”
Oh, the looks on their faces. Shock. Pure, unbridled joy. And the best part — the part that has stayed with me ever since — was that we were not talking about going someday. We were literally about to get on the plane.
A Word on What This Is Not
Let me be clear: this is not about withholding information children genuinely need. Some children need more preparation than others. Children who navigate anxiety, sensory differences, or challenges with transitions may need more advance notice before certain activities. Parents have to know their children, and they have to use wisdom.
There is a difference between preparing a child and prematurely exciting a child.
There is a difference between structure a child needs and overexposure to plans that may never happen.
Sometimes we create our own parenting stress by giving children too much information too soon. Then we wonder why they are asking questions every five minutes, why they seem anxious, why they fall apart when something changes. But sometimes, we planted the anticipation before the plan was ready to hold it.
Some questions worth carrying with you:
Let some plans mature before you share them. Let some outings be surprises. Let some blessings unfold in real time, right in front of your child’s eyes. I would rather collect my parenting points when we are already on our way.
